Mabel came to me again last night.
Mabel is my mind-cleaning fairy, she makes all the bad things go away.
She comes in the night, feather duster in hand.
And looks in all the nooks and crannies of my brain.
Dusting away all the pain and feelings.
What Mabel doesn't realise though is that sometimes, the dust is good.
When the dust is gone too much becomes clear that maybe shouldn't.
Raw nerves beg for more dust but it's too late now.
I have to deal with what is clear, and there is nowhere for the dust of new pain to settle yet.
It's cold in here.
I think Mabel takes away more than cobwebs...
I think she takes away a huge part of me every time she visits.
Mabel doesn't take payment in money, Mabel takes a slice of my soul.
I feel nothing afterwards - Hatred and love all dusted away. There are the
memories of love, the faded wallpaper where once it hung but the feelings
aren't there any more. I can repaint the paintings given time but for
now I have to hold onto the memories I want to keep so I don't lose them.
If a care has nowhere to settle as it drifts through a mind,
does the mind feel it?
How long before that layer of dust comes back to cushion the clarity again?
How long before those paintings are repainted and re-hung, how long before
I stop hurting ones I loved? I may be right when I say things that cut deep.
I am almost certainly right in fact.
But does Mabel visit the people I am right about in the night too?
Does she remove the pain and the twisted knives?
I hope she does.
No. That's not true. I hope for their sake, she doesn't.